For a long time, I was the woman in the room who didn't speak.
Not because I had nothing to say. But because a moment early in my life had left me believing I wasn't someone meant to be heard. What if I got it wrong? What if people didn't receive it well?
People often mistook my silence for wisdom. For thoughtfulness. For being measured and composed.
While some of that was true, there was something else underneath it too.
Fear.
Specifically, what psychologists call the fear of negative evaluation – the deep, persistent worry about what others think of us. And it is one of the most common reasons women stay in the shadows long after God has called them out.
Verse of the Week
'The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.' Proverbs 29:25
A snare is a trap. And that is exactly what this fear does – it traps you. In silence. In hesitation. In a version of your life that is smaller than the one God intended.
So how do you begin to move out of it? Here are four steps that I’ve learned.
1. Identify the wrong belief
It starts with a thought. They won't like what I have to say. But don't stop there – drill down beneath it. Ask yourself: if that thought were true, what would it mean about me? Perhaps the answer is: that others won't like me. Then go one level deeper. If that were true, what would it mean? Maybe I'm unlikeable. Maybe I'm not enough.
And there it is. That is the real belief you’ve been living from. I call this process peeling back the layers – because the surface thought is rarely the wound. The wound is always underneath.
2. Replace the lie with the Word
Once you can see the belief clearly, you can challenge it. Not with positive thinking, but with truth. I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). I am the head and not the tail (Deuteronomy 28:13). Find the scriptures that speak directly to the lie and begin to meditate on them. Don’t just read them, but let them settle into your thinking until they become your dominant belief system.
3. Notice what triggers it
Fear of man rarely shows up in the abstract. It shows up in specific moments. Speaking up in a meeting. Sharing your opinion when you're not sure it will land well. Posting something publicly. Starting something new where others can watch. Putting your hand up. Sending the message.
Notice your triggers. Name them. And then practise telling the truth out loud in those moments. Speak to the racing heart, the tight chest, the sudden urge to pull back. Tell it that it has to come into line with what God’s Word says you are.
4. Anchor yourself in what God thinks
Choose, consistently, to anchor yourself in what God thinks. And as you renew your mind, as you meditate on the Word and let it become your dominant thought pattern, you can reach a place – through the power of the Holy Spirit – where what others think simply loses its grip. Not overnight, but it does happen. That's not wishful thinking. That is transformation.
Until next week,
Have a blessed day and keep shining! ✨
Cheryl
